


Hitting the Fan

by Johnstonmara353



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26967292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnstonmara353/pseuds/Johnstonmara353
Summary: Kalinda intervenes when Will loses his temper. Everyone always forgets, she will always protect Alicia. (Just a little spin on the big blow up that happened between Will and Alicia. I feel it would have been much better if he had been wrong.)
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Hitting the Fan

Hitting the Fan

Alicia/Kalinda

Summary: Kalinda intervenes when Will loses his temper. Everyone always forgets, she will always protect Alicia. (Just a little spin on the big blow up that happened between Will and Alicia. I feel it would have been much better if he had been wrong.)

Kalinda was out of her office and into Alicia’s before she had even realized what she was doing. Her heart beating in her chest. The palms of her hands suddenly covered in sweat. She could hear the shouting, but for a brief moment, it was as if she were hearing it under water. Everything was muffled, except for the sound of Will’s voice. She had watched the confrontation begin as if it were a car accident. Kalinda had seen Will storm out of Diane’s office and into Alicia’s. His hands clenched at his sides; his jaw tightly set. The blood in his veins quickly filling his normally pale cheeks. Kalinda had heard the door slam as the glass to her office began to rattle. She had almost flinched when she caught Courtney’s terrified glance. She could hear the screaming through the walls of glass. It almost echoed inside her head, but instead of getting quieter, they became louder. But it was Alicia’s silent scream that she heard above all else. The silent pleading written across Alicia’s pale features. She could see Will leaning over her as she coward in her chair. She could see the shock and tears shinning in Alicia’s eyes. The investigator had never seen Alicia realistically afraid. She had seen her fearful, but never terrified. She watched the other associates and staff watch the incident through the glass wall. Some of them pulling out their camera phones, while others tried to pretend nothing was happening. She could see Courtney calling for security to their floor. Something that had never been done. Diane standing outside the door, but not intervening. Not asking another male partner to step in; just watching. When Will violently swept the desk clean, making Alicia jump back and Diane cover her mouth, Kalinda ran into the office, taser in hand. 

Kalinda pushed Diane out of the way as she ran past the onlookers and entered Alicia’s office. Kalinda only stopped for a moment to assess the situation. Alicia looked confused and terrified. Will had looked angrier than she had ever seen him. The investigator heard her name from the doorway, but didn’t take her eyes off Alicia as she slowly walked the perimeter of the room. She didn’t want to startle Will while he was angry. And if she needed to use force, she would need the space. As her steps became more confident and the closer she got to the desk, Kalinda’s eyes caught Alicia’s. At one time in their friendship, they could communicate be looks alone. Those special moments during a court proceeding; calming Alicia’s nerves with the simple nod of her head and a look only she could read. As their eyes connected for the first time in months, the investigator could read everything Alicia felt and had felt over the past few years. She silently begged Will the stop his verbal assault. With a simple nod from the investigator, Alicia took a deep breath; that connection had never left, they had just refused to use it. She was almost to Alicia’s desk, making eye contact with the woman, while steadily coming closer. Motioning for her to take a step away from the desk and watching as she obediently followed the silently instructions, especially through the chaos. Will continued to scream. His voice becoming more agitated and frustrated as the incident continued. The investigator couldn’t focus on his words. She could only hear the constant white noise buzzing in her ears. The only emotion she could feel surrounding her was fear. And the longer she was in the room, the stronger the fear built in her chest. 

Kalinda held the charge button on the taser. Hearing the familiar hum in her ears was almost comforting. Feeling the gentle vibration against her fingers made her feel a sense of safety. She could protect herself if she needed to. She could protect Alicia if it came to that point, but she didn’t want to. Kalinda hadn’t woken up that morning planning to defend the person that had treated her as if she were a stranger against the man she had been loyal to for five years. It was an internal nightmare, one that she would never imagine having to make. But everyone always knew where her loyalty really lied. “Will!” she finally screamed, loud enough to break through the crowd chatter and Will’s yelling. Loud enough to cause Alicia to visibly flinch.

Will broke his gaze with Alicia, finally hearing something other than the blood roaring in his ears. Seeing something other than the woman that had betrayed them. The shock on Alicia’s face didn’t faze him. He had known the woman for over fifteen years. It wasn’t a secret that Alicia could play dumb and fake the tears when it benefited her. But the scream of his friend, his confidant, startled him. Pulled him away from the almost uncontrollable anger that was ready to explode. Turning only slightly to look at the one person her trusted. The one person that said she would always have his back. The look on Kalinda’s face only caused a crack in his pain and anger stricken face. It wasn’t a look of fear. And if had to classify it in that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to. He had never seen that look on her face before. It ran deeper than concern and disappointment. “Mind you’re own business, K,” he muttered, refusing to take his anger for his former lover out on the person that had defended him through his worst moments. 

Kalinda moved around the desk, her steps becoming more confident the longer she caught Will’s glances. He was calming as he looked at her; as he focused on her instead of the woman he was currently furious with. Kalinda placed her finger tips on the edge of the wooden desk, closer to the angry attorney than any of the male partners dared get. She wasn’t afraid of Will. And she didn’t really believe that Will would ever hurt Alicia; he loved Alicia. But she could see the anger and hurt in his eyes as he glanced back and forth between herself and the woman she was rescuing. He couldn’t focus his anger, that’s what Kalinda wanted. “Will, you need to calm down and explain what the hell this is all about.”

Will pushed himself off the desk, almost laughing. Even thinking about the information he held in his head made him seem insane. His best friend wouldn’t betray him. Someone he had spent four years in college getting to know, crying with her, laying with her. Someone he had been in bed with only months ago. She wouldn’t betray him. But the emails he had seen. The rumors he had heard throughout the past few days. How could he not believe it? And how could Kalinda not know. His best investigator. Someone he trusted to know everything about everyone all the time. As he thought about an additional betrayal his anger grew all over again. He could feel Diane watching him from the door. He could feel this associates watching and taking pictures, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care about anything other than the loss of everything he had known. Everything he had trusted, all because she wanted something more? Will glanced at his investigator, the confused look on her face meant nothing to him. He had known Kalinda long enough to know she could fake any emotion when the occasion called for it. “Your friend is leaving with Cary and taking half our clients with them.” He thought he had screamed it. It felt as if he had, but in reality it came out as a deep growl. He glanced at Alicia as if he didn’t recognize the person he had known for so many year. Someone he had known intimately. “After twenty years of friendship. Twenty years of trust.”

Kalinda looked at Alicia, studying her pale, tear stricken face. Her her still looked lost. She still looked at a loss for words She still looked confused. It reminded her of the same look she had received when Alicia had confronted her about her one night with Peter. It was a mixture of pain, anxiety, and fear. The attorney was almost frozen in front of her. The investigator thought back through the past few days. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. She hadn’t seen Alicia much throughout the week, too busy working on the cases she wasn’t supposed to be working on. As her eyes met Alicia’s, she suddenly remembered the night before. They had been sitting alone in the corner of their favorite bar. It was a normal evening until Cary showed up. He had spent twenty minutes trying to convince them to jump ship with him and the other associates and the last ten minutes begging him not to tell Will and Diane. They hadn’t promised anything. After he left, they had agreed Kalinda would be the one to tell Will, she just hadn’t gotten around to it that morning. “Will, she turned Cary down last night. We both did.” She watched Will stop pacing the floor, his body visibly relaxing, but she wasn’t focused on Will’s reaction. Alicia straightened a little behind her but still refused to say a word. Kalinda knew how the attorney would react from one moment to the next. At one point they had been inseparable, on the verge on almost inappropriate. She could Alicia as if she could read her own heart. She knew what every emotion meant as it crossed her face. All she saw in that moment was pain and embarrassment, and all Kalinda wanted to do was make it stop. Make the cameras stop. Make the accusations stop. But she couldn’t do that. What she could do was make sure Will was put in his place for what he’d done. “You just made an ass of yourself in front of your entire firm.” Kalinda all but growled in his direction, violently pointing to the window of onlookers that seemed to bother him more than her. “You attacked a partner.” She said a little louder, glancing at Diane in disgust for still not intervening. “You forced me to pull a weapon on you. I never wanted to do that, Will,” she finished, her voice cracking as his name left her lips. 

Will felt as if someone had punch him in the gut. All the wind leaving his chest in a sharp rush. He had read the email a thousand times. He had gone over every rumor he had heard. Will had believed all along that Cary was rallying to leave and start his own firm. He had a hard time believing Alicia and Kalinda would ever turn their backs on him or the firm they were helping to build. He made Alicia a partner because he believed in her. It had nothing to do with money or how many clients she would bring in. Will believed she had deserved the partnership. She pushed for her. And everything had come crashing down with that simple email. He took everyone at their word and never bothered to ask hers. He hadn’t even asked Kalinda if she knew anything. Will could feel the anger radiating from the investigators body. He could see her clenched fists, the taser clip on her belt that was empty for the first time since he had met her. He could see the pain in Alicia’s face. And he was the cause of it all. “I’m sorry, K.” He turned to Alicia, trying to take a stepped toward her when Kalinda blocked his path. Alicia wouldn’t look at him and Kalinda couldn’t do anything but stare him down. “I’m so sorry, Alicia.”

Kalinda put the taser back on her hip, motioning for Alicia to get her things, keeping her body between the understandably shocked attorney and the man that was trying to catch her attention. Every few seconds Will would try to take a step closer before moving back as Kalinda stepped closer to Alicia kneeling on the floor. She glanced at Diane who was still hovering in the doorway, the security officers standing behind her waiting for Kalinda’s word to act. They hadn’t been needed. She hadn’t even felt that they had been needed when Courtney was calling them, but no one knew how Will was gonna react. “I’m taking Alicia home. She doesn’t have court today anyway.” When she was sure Alicia was ready to hit the door quickly, she glanced back between Diane and Will, Alicia still standing silently behind her. “You can expect my resignation on your desk in the morning. My work phone and computer are still in my office. I’ll pick up the rest of my things tomorrow.” It wasn’t the first job Kalinda had quit and she was sure it wouldn’t be the last. At first glance, it would seem she was making a rash decision based on her emotions. In fact, she was making a decision based on the lack of actions taken by her bosses during a crisis. What would have happened if Will had decided to become physical and she couldn’t stop him? She could no longer guarantee her own safety from the people that were supposed to keep her safe. 

Diane stepped into the room, looking more panicked then she had expected. She had maintained her composure throughout the entire ordeal. She never shouted. Never tried to enter the room. But the investigator could now see her face falter. She was losing the one person she couldn’t afford to lose. Kalinda knew everything about everyone, and if she didn’t, no one would stop her from finding out. She was their ace in the hole. The prosecution got nervous around her. Other defense attorney’s hated her. Diane knew Lockhart/Gardner needed her. If they lost her, they’d lose the firm. “Kalinda, you don’t have to do that.”

Kalinda shook her head, motioning for Alicia to go to the elevator. Glaring at everyone that dared glancing in the woman’s direction. She watched as Alicia pushed the button, everyone leaving her to stand alone, terrified of the consequences if they didn’t, before turning her full attention to the woman that had employed her to five years. Someone she had trusted and protected against her better judgment. Kalinda had watched as Diane stood by and did nothing for a woman that needed her help. The trust and loyalty she once felt for Diane and Will disappeared. “I can’t work for a place that doesn’t trust the ones that have shown nothing but loyalty.” She hissed as she glared at Will. All the late nights she had spent with Alicia early on in their friendship, all the attorney had talked about was Will. How much she wished she had chosen differently when she had the chance. How she wished Will loved her the same way she loved him. Will loved Alicia. A blind person could see how much Will loved Alicia. But Will didn’t love the responsibility that came with loving her. He didn’t love the teenage kids idea. He didn’t love the politician ex-husband idea. He loved the thought of her. He didn’t love the package that came with the body. “I can’t work for someone who stands there and does nothing while a named partner attacks another.” She growled at Diane. The investigator’s true, instinctual nature taking over her words and actions. Kalinda made it to the door before Will grabbed her arm. She could almost feel his touch burning through her orange leather jacket. 

Will couldn’t believe what he had done. He attacked the woman he loved. He embarrassed her in front of the entire firm. He accused her of being poached with little evidence. But what hurt him most, was forcing Kalinda’s hand. He had promised to protect her when he’d hired her. Her story wasn’t lost on everyone in the room. He knew enough of her past to know what she could handle and what she couldn’t. Will required a quiet workplace because Kalinda did. He didn’t allow aggressive behavior by clients or associates because of Kalinda. He didn’t even like when people yelled on the floor because he knew how sensitive the investigator’s ears were. He had fired lawyers because of her. “You said you’d always have my back.”

Kalinda shook him off. She had always had his back. Finding and manipulating evidence in order to keep him out of jail. Pointing evidence elsewhere when Lana started sniffing around about Will’s bribery case. She had protected him. When Cary had told them he planned to leave and take multiple associates with him, she had planned to tell him. All morning, Kalinda had been out running down evidence for one of Colin Sweeney’s cases. Her morning had been busy and chaotic. She hadn’t had the time to take a breath let alone sit down and have a difficult conversation with her boss about a lawyer he trusted. She had tried to tell him once before that Cary was up to no good. That he was spreading rumors about Alicia. He was going to partners trying to convince them that she wasn’t good enough to work for Lockhart/Gardner. She had tried to tell him when Cary was trying to jump to the District Attorney’s office. She tried to tell him about Blake and he wouldn’t listen. She begged him to let Blake go, but he refused to hear her excuses. He wouldn’t listen and it had cost her the friendship and increasing relationship she had with Alicia. And for that, she hated him more than she ever imagined she would. “Not this time, Will,” she mumbled, jerking her arm from his grasp. 

Waiting at the elevator, Alicia still trembled beside her, Kalinda pulled out her phone and hit the speed dial button that had been set up three years ago. When she finally heard the man’s voice on the other line, she pushed Alicia in the elevator. She watched the attorney fumble with her purse before pulling her sunglasses from the overlarge bag of unnecessary stuff. She was crying, silently, but she was crying all the same. She waited for Alicia to relax against the cool metal wall before turning her brief attention back to the man on the phone. The man responsible for the situation they had found themselves in. And the same man that would guarantee them a job the next day. “Cary, don’t talk just listen,” she said roughly, pushing the button for the underground garage. Watching Alicia out of the corner of her eye. Her breathing was still shallow. She was still shaking. Her fingers were still white from being clenched at her sides for so long. She was hurting and even the sunglasses couldn’t hide that. “Will is on the war path. He knows you tried to poach me and Alicia last night. He knows you’re taking clients with you.” How the hell he knew all that information when she had only known for the past eighteen hours, Kalinda would probably never know. “Will attacked Alicia in her office. We’re heading to the parking garage. I’ll sign all the paperwork you need tomorrow.” She needed to get Alicia home. Or at least to a calm environment for the day to finally settle into her mind. She couldn’t leave her alone and she couldn’t just leave her with her children. But things still needed to get done if they had a fighting chance at maintaining the clients Alicia had. She couldn’t wait for the attorney to return to her normal self. They didn’t have time to wait for the light to come back into her eyes. “Just start calling clients and let them know you have the state’s attorney’s wife jumping ship. You’re first call needs to be to Colin Sweeney. I’ll call you when we get to my apartment.” And with that she ended the call. Kalinda didn’t need to provide more information. Cary would do exactly what she told him to do. He was good at obeying her every request when it was beneficial to him. In the bar, his offer had been a joke and she had laughed it off. She remembered her and Alicia even laughed about it after they forced him to leave. In that moment, his offer and his ability to obtain Alicia’s clients meant a continuous paycheck. It meant she didn’t have to look for another job that wouldn’t pay anywhere near what she was used to. It meant she didn’t have to separate her work life from Alicia. 

Alicia still hadn’t said anything. Her features were mostly blank. Every few seconds, Kalinda could catch a glimpse of the pain that was threatening to consume her. She leaned against the corner of the metal elevator, her eyes watching the older woman’s jaw clench and unclench. Her fingers playing with the rings that were on every other finger but the one that matter the most. But Alicia never took her eyes off the floor. She never glanced in her direction during the phone call. She didn’t make a single sound, not even as she shifted uncomfortably. The investigator figured it was shock. Her best friend attacked her. She had been embarrassed in front of her entire law firm. And she hadn’t done anything wrong. She had done the right thing by allowing the investigator to be the one to break the news to their boss. Kalinda reached for her hand as the elevator finally reached the parking garage. Alicia’s palms her sweating, her wrist feeling as if it were on fire as Kalinda pulled her from the elevator car. But as she willingly followed the investigator’s every move, her fingers tightened around Kalinda’s. She pulled Alicia across the parking garage, worried at how pliable she was, and in the direction of her SUV. She could feeling Alicia’s fingers clutching at hers, almost painfully so. It was a clinginess they hadn’t experienced in over two years. She opened the front passenger door of her SUV and helped Alicia sit, facing her. She still had that same confused look on her face. Kalinda brought a hand to her cheek, gaining her attention. “Are you okay?”

Alicia, one that always had something to say, still had a difficult time finding words. She touched Kalinda’s hand that was resting on her thigh. Her fingers clutching hers again, searching for an explanation that she knew the investigator didn’t have. “What the hell just happened?” she muttered, but for the first time since they left the office, Alicia looked up. Her eyes connecting with Kalinda’s. She saw the compassion and concern in her brown, wet eyes. The same eyes she had missed those past two lonely years. But she also saw questions. A lot more questions than either one was prepared to answer. 

Kalinda kept her hold on Alicia’s gaze and tightened her fingers around the older woman’s. She needed the connection just as much as Alicia seemed to. Kalinda had lost her best friend in less than an hour. She had lost everything that was familiar to her. The investigator didn’t like change. She was a type A, OCD personality, that needed her routine maintained. Her entire world had been rocked causing her normally controlled anxiety to fire within her brain. But Alicia had lost twenty years of friendship, loyalty and love in the last hour. She lost everything that she thought would last. She thought Will would eventually want her again. She thought he would change his mind about her children. But he never did. She could feel all those emotions raging through Alicia’s body as she continued to squeeze her hand. Kalinda didn’t know which situation she was more angry about, the fact that Will had taken everything away from her over the time she had worked with him or the fact that he took everything away from Alicia because of his selfishness. “Will acted like an ignorant ass and I resigned. I can bring you back to the office in the morning when I pick up my things.” Kalinda knew it was a stupid statement as it left her lips. But that was the one sentence that brought Alicia emotionally back to her. 

Alicia felt the events of the last thirty minutes finally sinking in to every pore of her body. The shock finally wearing off. A sudden fire burning in her belly. Her palms covered in sweat. Her hears burning as she felt her blood beginning to boil. Every word that Will had screamed at her began repeating in her head. She could see the faces of everyone she had worked with for the past five years staring at her. Her fingers tightened around Kalinda as she remembered wanting to reach out for her the second she stepped foot in her office. And finally, as Kalinda expected, the tears slowly came. Not in a rush, just a few slipping from her eyes, Kalinda catching them as they fell. Wiping them away gently before pushing Alicia’s sunglasses to the top of her head. It was the first time in a long time they had been that close. That she had allowed Kalinda to touch her in all the ways her body begged for. The first time when their eyes connected, she felt the comfort the investigator had always offered her. But even Kalinda couldn’t hide her from the embarrassment she had just endured. “I can’t go back there. What the fuck was he thinking?” Will had been her best friend for over fifteen years. He was her lover for a short period of time. He had loved her. He had loved her more than Peter ever had. He had always been kind and sweet to her. Tried to protect her when the world was beating her down. How the hell could he believe she would abandon him without speaking to him? Without letting him know she was leaving. She would have done the right thing. 

Kalinda shook her head. Her fingers caressing Alicia’s damp cheek. She could see the hurt in her deep green eyes. But she could also see a thousand questions passing through eyes as well. Questions she wasn’t sure she could answer. Kalinda was more concerned that Alicia was only focused on the why. She wasn’t focused on the actions that were taken against her. The verbal assault. The threat of physical assault. What would Will had done if she hadn’t intervened? “It doesn’t matter what he was thinking. The only thing that matters is what he did.” Kalinda paused, waiting for the words to sink in to the black tornado that was the attorney’s brain. Alicia was always worried about someone else. She always focused her thoughts and energy on something or someone else. She never worried about herself. “He could have asked you if you were leaving, but he chose not to. He chose to embarrass you in front of the entire firm. He chose to toss accusations around. He chose to become violent.” It’s the same lecture Alicia had given her the night Nick had shown up at her apartment. His actions against her weren’t her fault. She hadn’t done anything wrong. “That has nothing to do with you, Alicia. It has everything to do with him acting like a spoiled child.” Kalinda pushed on the side of Alicia’s thigh, urging her to get into the car. She watched Alicia sit back in the seat. Her brief case and purse hitting the floor of the SUV. She hadn’t put her glasses back on and at that moment she could see how tired Alicia was. “Give me your work phone,” Kalinda said with as much authority as she could muster under the circumstances. She couldn’t raise her voice to Alicia when she was already broken. She couldn’t even raise her voice at Alicia when she had pretended she didn’t exist. The attorney dug in her pocket, and handed over the no longer needed device. It was the treasure that Diane and Will would want. Getting the information directly from the phone was much easier than calling the company and having the information received after it had been destroyed. Kalinda knew all that. She handled the hiring and firing of associates on a weekly basis. She a had a few that refused to turn over devices or had claimed they had lost them. It usually took a few days to get the information Will wanted. With Alicia, she didn’t want to make anything easy for them. She would also remember to call her buddy at the phone company to delay the information for as long as possible. “You have everything on this backed up like I taught you?” she asked before watching Alicia nod. Three years ago, when they were still friends and treading on something more, she had taught Alicia how to back up her memory from her cell phone. She had reminded her to do it once a week for the first few months. After the big secrets was revealed, Kalinda hadn’t asked. She hadn’t bothered to remind her. The investigator smiled as she watched Alicia’s tired smile appear as she remembered those same moments. Kalinda slammed the door closed, motioning for her to put her seat belt on; it wasn’t her responsibility for what she did next. She would pay to have the phone replaced it that’s what Will and Diane wanted. She slipped the phone into the storm drain on the drivers side of the car before climbing in and buckling her own belt. If they wanted the information, Kalinda was at least gonna make them work to get it. 

Alicia eventually let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding when the SUV was finally out of the buildings parking garage. It was the first real breath she could remember taking all day, even before the blow her brain had been focusing on fourteen things while finishing her closing argument for one of Sweeney’s cases. She closed her eyes and relaxed against the leather seats as Kalinda’s perfume overwhelmed her sense of smell. That familiar subtle smell was one she would notice anywhere. No one smelled like Kalinda Sharma. It was unique only to her and in an odd way, it calmed Alicia. It reminded her of all the times she had broken down and the investigator would comfort her with a hug or the times she would stand too close to her for no reason at all. Alicia had always been comforted by Kalinda presence; she made her feel safe. She didn’t have to pretend to be anything other than the herself. Nothing was expected of her. And Kalinda was the only one that had ever made her feel that way. Alicia sat silently for a few moments as she watched Kalinda weave in and out of traffic. She could help the smile that appeared on her face as she remembered their slow ride through her old neighborhood. Kalinda was a lot more vocal four years ago. She hadn’t been afraid to say anything. As the years went on the words came less and the secrets accumulated. But as she watched Kalinda trying to focus on the cars around them and not on her, she remembered they didn’t always need words to communicate. That was the one thing she had learned from Kalinda in those early years of friendship; she needed to learn to listen. Kalinda spoke loud and clear when Alicia really listened to her, and they never had to speak a word. “Where are we going?” She whispered, hoping not to startle the investigator our of her trance, but not recognizing anything as she glanced around at the street signs. 

Kalinda smirked, one of amusement more than anything else. The sun always perked Alicia’s mood no matter how terrible the day was going. She remembered taking long walks through the local dog park on their lunches when Alicia would have a particularly bad day. She loved watching the attorney perk up as the sun kissed her skin for the first time. The way her cheeks began to get pink as her excitement about being outside increased. Kalinda glanced at Alicia before making their final left turn, her cheeks were pink, her lips were wet from the constant licking, and the tear tracks had almost disappeared. She was beginning to look like she had three years ago, when they were happy. “My apartment. Cary’s already calling the top clients you and he had. I gave him a few that would be willing to jump ship if the Governor’s wife was jumping too.” That very quick text she had sent while the were waiting at a long red light. It was only the last names of Alicia’s top ten clients, but it was a start for him while they made their way home. “Eli jumped last week. Robyn signed on with Cary almost immediately. And Elsbeth signed on to leave her firm.” That was the text she had received from home before she left the parking garage. It wasn’t a surprise to Kalinda the names that were attached to the big jump what was surprising was that no one had told her about it. She had known Cary was leaving, he offered her a position several times, but she never believed he would honestly leave without a concrete plan. That’s why she hadn’t bothered to tell anyone. She honestly didn’t believe him.

Alicia had been unaware of anyone leaving with Cary. He hadn’t told her who was joining the firm with him. And over the past several weeks she had been too busy to pay attention to his poaching efforts. But as a partner, she had spent more time with Kalinda in those past several weeks than she had in the last two years. More case work, more close contact than they had shared, and more late nights. More late night had led to more drinking and more drinking always led to more talking. It felt almost normal. Like it felt almost normal reaching for Kalinda’s hand across the console. “How did I not know about any of this? Not even Eli, with his big mouth, mentioned anything. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kalinda smiled and shook her head, finally parking in front of her building. The fingers of her left hand gripping the stirring wheel while the fingers of her right were being caressed by her passenger. It was difficult to focus while Alicia’s was so close. While she was continuously leaning in, continuously slightly smiling at her. Trying to smile, she was still hurting too badly for a true smile. Still too confused to be truly relaxed and happy. She had decided to wait in excepting Cary’s offer partly because she thought he wouldn’t go through with it and partly because of the same reasons she made most decisions after everyone else. “I was waiting for you to make a decision before I made mine. I’m not gonna work against you, Alicia. I’m not gonna stay at a firm that will use our friendship for their own personal gain.” She paused for a moment. Unfastening her seat belt and turning to face her friend. Someone she had come to rely on even when they weren’t speaking. She was the only constant in Kalinda’s life. Whether she wanted her there or not, Alicia’s presence was never forgotten. But more importantly, Kalinda knew too many things about too many people. People that hated the Florrick name and would use Kalinda to get to Alicia. It was easier to keep her safe when she where the older woman was. “I can’t protect you if I’m working against you,” she whispered, motioning for Alicia to get out of the car. 

In the moment, Alicia’s mind hadn’t processed what had happened in the office. She had froze the moment Will had stormed into her office. Her mind had gone completely blank. She couldn’t remember one thing he had said to her. All she could remember was the feeling of frozen fear. She had never been afraid of Will in their fifteen year friendship. As she turned to put her feet on the curb, her mind flashed back. Remembering Will screaming; yelling accusations at her. Calling her names she never believed she would hear coming from his lips. She could see the anger in his eyes. The flames the burned deep inside him. Remembering Diane running from her office. She didn’t try to intervene. She didn’t try to help her. The woman who wanted to shatter the glass ceiling didn’t reach out to the other when it really counted. She could see Kalinda running into the room. Could see the taser in her hand. Could see the fire in her eyes; the anger. Despite how she had treated her over the last few years. Depsite the face that she had made it perfectly clear they were never really friends. Alicia hadn’t meant the words when they came out of her mouth then and she certainly didn’t mean them in that moment. Kalinda had always been her protector. She was always there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Always the one to coddle her when she needed it. In her office, during those brief moments of eyes contact, all she wanted was Kalinda. That was the only conscious thought that crossed her mind as Will screamed in her face. She was only pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Kalinda’s hand on her cheek. The soothing brush of her thumb along her cheekbone, the gentle touch of her fingers around her ear, caused her to lean in to the touch. It took a moment longer for her eyes to finally connect with the investigators. The concern in her eyes startled her. For a moment, Alicia saw the friendship and love she had been offered so many years ago. “You are the only friend I’ve ever had. All you’ve ever done is protect me and I treated you awful,” Alicia whimpered, well aware they were on a public street.

Kalinda was slightly startled, but her face never changed. Out of the events that happened in the last hour, Peter wasn’t what she had expected to talk about. Her one night to save her life had taken it away from her instead. It had taken away the only thing Kalinda still cared about. She didn’t blame Alicia for the way she had been treated over the last few years. She blamed Peter and Nick. She blamed Will and Blake. She blamed Wiley for being the one to tell Alicia to truth. They never talked about it. Never talked about the why or how. Alicia never asked and Kalinda never offered any information willingly. Even if Alicia had tried to talk to her, she wasn’t sure she would be willing to face the many questions she’s sure the attorney had. It still hurt Kalinda too deeply to talk about the past, whether it involved Peter or not. She could see the hurt in Alicia’s eyes. The pain the ran deeper than Kalinda would be able to heal in one day. She was in pain and worrying about things that she had done years ago. That was Alicia. “Don’t worry about it.” She tried to smile. Just like she had tried to smile all those other times Alicia had brought up the incident with Peter. It was false. It never reached her eyes. And she knew Alicia could see that. 

Alicia shook her head. It normally wouldn’t bother her when Kalinda flat out lied to her face. She did it often enough, Alicia just started counting it as the truth, but not about what happened between them. What had begun to happen. Throwing her gloves from her hands and reaching for Kalinda’s. Their fingers still fitting together just as they always had. The skin to skin contact sent a blast of electricity up her arm. The connection they had shared so many years ago was still there. Alicia knew it always would be. It was a connection she had never felt with anyone else. “Kalinda, no,” she whispered. Pulling her closer to the vehicle, resting her other hand on her hip. Her heart ached at Kalinda’s hesitant look. The broken look that she had put their, but she never looked away. Kalinda’s eyes never left hers as she stepped closer to the car. “It’s not okay. It’s never been okay.” She thought back to all the times Kalinda had offered her a nod of encouragement. All the late night drinks for no reason. All the times she wiped away her tears when they had been more than friends. All the things she had said in the heat of anger she had never meant. “You did nothing but help me. You went out of your way to make things easier for me. I never once saw it for what it was. You were my friend, Kalinda.” Alicia saw the single tear slide down Kalinda’s cheek. The first sign that her friend was really hearing her, that she was really listening to her. “You were always my friend. I was never your pity project or something for you to laugh at.”

Kalinda tried to avoid the tears. She didn’t want to allow her raw emotions to show through on a public street. She had promised herself the last time she had cried over Alicia that it would be the last time. She had given up on the attorney ever forgiving her for what she had done. She had decided the week after she couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t drag herself out of bed that she would push her feelings for Alicia aside. She would lock those precious memories in a box inside her head and never open it. That had been the plan. She had worked hard forcing those feelings and memories to the side. It had taken years to maintain her poker face while her former friend threw verbal punches. She should want to turn away. She should want to take a giant step away from the woman that had broken her heart over and over again throughout the years. But she had waited three years for Alicia to finally let her back in. Even if her mind wanted to forget her, her heart wouldn’t stop begging for Alicia to come back. “I told you you were my only friend,” she whispered. She had meant it when she said it and she meant it in that moment. Kalinda had never had a friend like Alicia. Someone she could be herself with. Someone she didn’t have to pretend to be interested in every little thing she did. 

Alicia grabbed her bag and purse from the floor before slinging them over her shoulder. She wasn’t even sure she was the one that had grabbed them from the floor of her office or if it had been the younger woman. She finally climbed out of the SUV and slammed the door behind her, glancing around and seeing no one on the streets. She grabbed Kalinda’s hands and pulled her closer. There was no one around to stop her. No one around to make her think about her actions before she made them. All she could think about was the woman standing in front of her. The woman that had waited so long to hear her apology, to hear that she understood what she had done, that she didn’t want any of the hurt to encompass their lives anymore. “I’m so sorry, Kalinda. I’m so sorry I never saw it before.” Her feelings for Kalinda had been clouded by anger and hate for so long it was hard to feel the raw, exposed emotions the investigator was offering and had offered since the very beginning. “I’m sorry I acted so awful towards you,” she whispered, her hand cupping Kalinda’s cheek, brushing the warm tears away. No amount of words would ever be good enough to make up for all the cruel things she had said and done to the woman that had shown her nothing but kindness. No amount of apologies would make up for the time they lost pretending the other didn’t exist. But she was finally in a position where she didn’t care about the consequences. She didn’t have anything left to lose putting all her cards on the table. Alicia tilted Kalinda’s chin up, forcing her to look at her. Forcing her to see how deep her apology reached within her. 

She was in Kalinda’s space, breathing in her air. She could feel her warm breath on her face before she could see it in the cold December air. The hand on her hip, gripping the sensitive skin. She was too close on a public street. People knew the governor’s wife. People also knew of the affair she had with Will. Everyone was watching her. Waiting for her to screw up. Waiting for their next big headline. Kalinda tried to take a step back, but Alicia grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. She placed a gentle hand on the older woman’s shoulder, trying to keep her distance even as her body connected with Alicia’s. “Alicia, you’re the governor’s wife. You’re closer to me than you should be.” And although she meant the words, it didn’t stop her body from reacting to her friends closeness. It didn’t stop her heart from beating faster. And she knew Alicia could see her glancing from her eyes to her lips and back. 

Alicia hadn’t even realized where Kalinda had taken her. She had never been to Kalinda’s apartment. She had never asked her and Alicia had never found a reason. Alicia did remember shoving her address in a book she had put away somewhere, but she all she knew Kalinda had moved since then. For once in her adult life, she was thinking about Peter. She wasn’t thinking about the reputation of her husband. She wasn’t thinking about how an additional affair would affect her job at Lockhart/Gardner. All she thought about was Kalinda. It wasn’t only intimate thoughts and closeness that she thought of when her thoughts drifted to the investigator. It was the way she made her laugh. The way she made her feel that she could do absolutely anything. The only person that made her really feel anything at all in the last few years. Even Will couldn’t make her feel like Kalinda did. Will never accepted her like Kalinda always had. Will only wanted parts of her; Kalinda didn’t pick and choose the pieces of her that she wanted to keep. She took everything Alicia was willing to give. And the older woman, who had been previously confused about her feelings, wasn’t willing to give Kalinda up for a future ex-husband that never once thought about her feelings. “I don’t care. I’m tired of being the governor’s wife,” she whispered, only to reassure Kalinda that they were the only ones hearing their conversation, even though the street was empty. She could could feel the investigator’s resistance to their contact dissolve slightly. The hand on her shoulder that had been pushing against her, relaxed, resting lightly against her neck and chest. Her eyes refusing to make contact for long. She was uncomfortable, but as uncomfortable as she was, Alicia could now see that light in her eyes that had burned out three years ago. It was still flickering with every brush of Alicia’s hand over the investigator’s cheek. “You protected me. You became my friend when everyone acted like I was a leper. You found Grace and brought her home,” she whimpered, trying to hold in her tears as her voice broke and she pulled Kalinda a few inches closer. That had been the moment Alicia had felt broken for the second time. The first time by Peter and the second by the woman she was holding too closely. Kalinda had found Grace, tracked her down, dropped everything she was doing to find her, but she couldn’t bring herself to step into Alicia’s apartment when the time had come. She had caused the one person that cared about her the most to fear her and she hated herself for it. “You brought Grace home and told her not to tell me. And I know the only reason you didn’t walk through that door with my daughter wasn’t because of Peter; it was because of me. You were terrified I still hated you. You found my daughter and you were too afraid to come in my apartment and talk to me.” Alicia tucked a few loose strands behind the investigator’s ear, watching the tears fall silently down her face. When Kalinda let down her wall, Alicia could read her as if she were reading her own mind. She saw everything, every secret, every lie. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. You never deserved it.” Alicia leaned a little too close. Her lips next to the investigator’s ear, whispering the last few words and allowing them to pass over the cold flesh of her neck.

Kalinda took a step back, trying to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. It wasn’t the fact that Kalinda hadn’t been a fan of public displays of affections before she had met Alicia and that she was uncomfortable being for so close to her former friend, she was afraid of her. Alicia was right, she was terrified of her. Throughout her life, Kalinda had met and lot of people. She had gone to bed with her fair share of men and women over the years. Some she cared for, some she couldn’t remember their names by the time the left in the morning. Alicia was different. She had never met another person she connected with the way she connected with Alicia, and it had nothing to do with how attractive she found her. It had nothing to do with how forbidden it felt. It had everything to do with how deep their connection was. She could feel it every time their eyes connected. She felt it when they stood too close for too long. On the day Grace went missing, she felt something shatter inside her when her eyes connected with Alicia’s through the glass walls of Lockhart/Gardner. But at the moment, with Alicia’s hands on her body, her breath so close to her ear she couldn’t help but build that wall a little higher. It wouldn’t last. Nothing for Kalinda ever lasted. And she didn’t believe Alicia would ever choose her over the seemingly normal life she currently had. “You’re not gonna think those same things when the adrenaline wears off.” She gently squeezed Alicia’s hand that was touching her face, enjoying the contact for a few seconds longer before pushing the hand away with a simple smile. “We need to go inside. Cary is gonna be calling soon wanting your answer.”

Alicia let go of Kalinda’s waist, allowing the investigator to push her away before following her up the steps of her apartment building. Watching her hips sway as Kalinda stayed a few feet in front of her all the way to the elevator. She was silent as she rode the elevator to Kalinda’s floor, giving the investigator the space she wasn’t asking for. Alicia wanted to reach for her hand as she walked past her to exist the elevator. She wanted to tuck the fallen strands of hair behind her ear again, but she could feel the wall around Kalinda. It wasn’t pushing her away, but it was screaming for caution. Screaming for her to tread lightly if she wanted to continue down the path their were going. She waited until they were safely inside Kalinda’s apartment before squeezing her hand quickly as a simple thank you. She wouldn’t push her way back into the secret life of Kalinda Sharma. She wouldn’t push for her forgiveness. She would wait until she could see that wall fall. She threw her bags in the arm chair, stripping her coat silently before draping it over the back of the white chair. She turned and watched Kalinda lean against the counter. Taking a few tentative steps, Alicia finally sat on the bar stool opposite the woman that she was now working with full time. There would be no escaping each other in the small confines of a new firm. It would be like starting over, right back at the beginning. “What was your answer to Cary?” she finally asked, watching Kalinda’s subtle facial movements. She could see how happy the investigator was about the decisions she had made that day. She was proud of herself and although she wouldn’t say it, Alicia was proud of her too. 

Kalinda laughed. She hadn’t given Cary her answer the second they had stepped into the elevator. She had assumed Alicia had been listening while she spoke. “Wow, you really are out of it today.” She played with her purse zipper, avoiding Alicia glancing as much as possible. Kalinda could remember being told by previous lovers that her stare was intense, that it was something that had a difficult time getting used to. She had never realized what they were talking about, until the moment in front of her car. Alicia’s gaze was intense for her, making it more and more difficult for her to remain eye contact with her former friend. They were both more than aware of how the other felt and that made the intensity of her glances that much more powerful. Causing her to blush as she brought up a hand to cover her bright red cheek, her other hand playing with the strap of her purse on the counter. “I told him I would sign the papers tomorrow.”

Alicia sat silently for a few minutes, thinking of the last few years working with the investigator. They had both been distant. Both choosing to work with anyone other than the woman sitting in front of them. The investigator stopped showing up for court after the secret had been revealed, leaving Alicia alone on a raft without a paddle. But she had taken so much more from Kalinda throughout those years of silence, fighting, name calling, and avoidance. They couldn’t work that way anymore. They couldnt’ continue to avoid each other. They couldn’t continue to pretend that they didn’t care more deeply for each other than they were willing to show. “Kalinda, if we do this, if we go with Cary, I don’t want the past coming with us,” she said as softly as she could without whispering. Laying her hand on the counter, palm up, wanting that connection she knew would happen the second Kalinda’s skin touched hers. She watched as Kalinda hesitated for half a heart beat before her hand rested on top of her own. And Alicia smiled as she felt that warm electric feeling travel up her arm. “I don’t want to keep living in this endless circle of hell that we’ve placed ourselves in,” she whispered as Kalinda’s fingers began to move against her wrist. Alicia could see by the smirk that was beginning to appear on the investigator’s face, that Kalinda knew exactly how she made her feel. She could feel that same electric current running through her skin. “We can’t forget what happened, but I’ve long forgiven you for it. It was easier maintaining that distance than allowing you back in my life. Before I found out about Peter, our friendship was going somewhere that excited and terrified me.” She could see the confirmation in Kalinda’s eyes. They had never spoken of the change of direction their relationship was taking before the incident tore them apart. They didn’t talk about the long work nights for no reason at all, sitting too closely during meetings just because they could, touching and gazing at each other more than friends would. At some point, their friendship had become something more and at the time they were both comfortable with the increased intimate contact. Alicia wanted that again. She wanted to be able to touch Kalinda when ever it was appropriate, without an explanation. She wanted to share those long nights, doing nothing, with her again. “I wanted something more; something different with you. I knew if I let you back in, I’d be right back in the same uncomfortable, confused place. I was afraid of losing the friendship you had always offered me over something that I wasn’t able to understand.” Her other hand began tracing Kalinda’s knuckles. “Now, I understand.”

Kalinda had been waiting since the moment Alicia stepped into her office at Lockhart/Gardener for the first time to hear her say that she wanted more. That she wanted her friendship back but she wanted something more. She could always tell by the way the attorney’s body reacted to her touches. She had heard the soft gasps when she stood too close or whispered low in her ear during a crowded meeting. Alicia was the only person that appreciated her for more than just her body. She remembered many times she would be talking about something that Alicia didn’t understand, but she sat mesmerized and listened anyway. She noticed that with the older woman, whenever she spoke, even during their fight, Alicia’s full attention was pulled to her. “What do you understand, Alicia,” she whispered, her fingernails gently scraping against her granite island while she tried not to focus on how her body was reacting to Alicia’s light touches against her hand and wrist. 

Alicia allowed Kalinda’s fingers to freely move over her hand again, exposing a secret that she had been keeping from everyone. The ring that had been present on her finger for almost seventeen years was gone. Had been gone longer than anyone had noticed. She had taken it off the day she received her partnership. She had given it back to Peter the day they signed the divorce papers, agreeing to file after the election. It would be romantic to say that she did it for Kalinda, but that wasn’t true. If she was being perfectly honest with herself she was doing it for Grace and Zach. She didn’t want Grace thinking that it was okay for her husband to have an affair, she didn’t want her little girl to accept that as her life if it happened to her. She wanted her to see that there were choices she could make for herself. She wanted to show Zach there were consequences to your actions. She didn’t want her son to think it was okay to cheat on his wife as long as she forgave him after. That was the mistake she had made. If Peter had cheated on her once, she probably could have overlooked it. But eighteen times wasn’t a lapse of judgment, it was a decision. Kalinda had lied to her, she had lied to her more than Alicia really wanted to admit. But Kalinda had lied to her to protect her. She saw that now. If she had never found out about her one night with Peter there was no telling where they would be. That was the only mistake Kalinda had made. She slept with her husband in order to save her life. She had a one night stand with her husband in order to keep her past buried. Alicia could no longer hold that against her. “That I never had to choose your friendship over whatever was developing between us. We could have had both. And I ruined that. I let them ruin it.”

Kalinda didn’t like talking about the night that ended their friendship before she had even known Alicia. She didn’t like thinking about the decisions she made that caused her to lay flat on her back while another woman’s husband got pleasure from her. It had haunted her dreams since the night it had happened, she didn’t want it to haunt her day hours as well. She didn’t want to explain to Alicia why she did what she did. She didn’t want Alicia asking questions about what had happened throughout that night. Those details were better locked away where she couldn’t even find it. Kalinda wanted nothing more that to move forward with Alicia, but she didn’t want Alicia to look at her every day and remember what she had done. It would only break more heartache to the both of them. “I thought you didn’t want to bring the past with us?” she asked, focusing on her fingers moving over Alicia’s bare ring finger. Amazingly, she couldn’t remember when Alicia had taken it off. 

Alicia would never ask the investigator the details of her night with Peter. In her heart she didn’t believe she needed to know unless Kalinda wanted her to. It wasn’t important to know every detail of what happened before they even met. She knew the parts that mattered the most. She knew Kalinda was sorry for what happened. She also knew it had happened for a reason. If the investigator ever decided to share those exact reasons with her, Alicia would be willing to listen, until then she would allow the questions to rest. “I don’t and we aren’t. We aren’t gonna talk about what happened all those years ago.” As Kalinda finally look up, her eyes finally connecting with hers once again. She could see the apology in her eyes. Could see the beginning of a few tears threatening to fall. The past didn’t matter anymore. They left their hostility and pain behind. All they could do was move forward. “I forgive you for that. And I don’t want to talk about it ever again. But we can talk about where we go from here.”

At one point in their friendship, Kalinda would have given Alicia anything. She would have thrown herself in front of a bullet for her. Three years later, she was a little more cautious on how many times she saved Alicia. How many times she gave all of herself when she knew she wouldn’t get anything in return. She wanted to give Alicia everything she had. Everything that had been held inside for so long. And as nervous as it made her, she wanted to move forward with the woman standing in front of her. She wanted to try to give all of herself to someone for the first time. To trust someone with every secret she ever had. She wanted that with Alicia. “Where do you wanna go?” she asked, hoping for the best but was always prepared for the worst. Alicia had a bad habit of pulling her in, reeling her closer, then throwing her back fifty feet to flounder on her own before repeating the process. 

Alicia smiled, a real light up the room smile. There were so many places she wanted to go with Kalinda; emotionally and physically. So many things she wanted to shared with her. Memories she wanted to make with Kalinda at her side. She wanted everything that the woman in front of her was willing to give. “You know what makes you different from Will.” She watched Kalinda shake her head, but she didn’t say anything. She looked as if she did the flood gates would open and they wouldn’t stop. “You never once made me feel like my children were a burden to you.” Alicia’s voice broke as the last few words left her lips. The same reason Will never came to her apartment was the same reason Kalinda always hung around so long after they were done working. The reason Will didn’t want to call her home phone was the reason Kalinda would never use Alicia’s cell number when their friendship had begun to develop into something new; the investigator wanted to talk to them. Kalinda was better at small talk with teens than she ever was with adults her own age. She had an easy and automatic connection with them. Will had never bothered to have a simple conversation with Zach or Grace. Kalinda happily carried on full conversation even after they turned silly; with Grace with often did. But Kalinda would listen and laugh anyway. “You always took their presence into account while you were in my apartment.” She tightened her hand around the investigator’s as she remembered Kalinda wondering into Grace’s room during a particularly long phone conversation she was having with Will. She found the two sitting on Grace’s bed, laughing about some silly picture she and Shannon had taken earlier that day. It was a soft side to the investigator that she had seen before, but after that initial encounter, Grace and Kalinda were almost inseparable. Even after the falling out, Alicia didn’t keep Grace from her, didn’t tell her daughter the secret because it didn’t matter. It didn’t change the relationship she had with the investigator, it would only cause more pain. She didn’t want her little girl to have her one adult hero be tarnished. 

“You allowed Grace to hang around your office when I was busy in court and Robyn was annoying her with questions.” She watched Kalinda smile and blush. It was the same blush she had seen on Kalinda’s face when she came looking for her daughter one night and found her in Kalinda’s office working on her French homework. She hadn’t said anything as she approached the door. She wasn’t angry that her daughter chose spending time with Kalinda over spending time with Robyn. The younger investigator pestered her with endless questions about school and her friends and her boyfriend that Alicia didn’t know about. Grace enjoyed the silence when she really wanted it and she rejected change at every turn. She always ended up right back in Kalinda’s office, laughing, doing her homework, or eating dinner while Alicia was busy in court. That particular night, Alicia had returned earlier than expected. Kalinda was working on the report she needed in the morning and Grace was working on homework for the one class she hated the most. As Grace asked a question, slowly in a language Alicia couldn’t speak, Kalinda responded to the girls question with slow fluidity. Speaking French had only been one of her secrets. When Kalinda was caught doing something she thought was wrong she blushed. It usually started at her bare chest and slowly rose up her neck. That was the other secret she had learned about her former friend as she tapped on the inside of the door, smiling tiredly as Kalinda slowly looked up and froze. She hated herself for causing that reaction. She hated herself more for forcing Kalinda to sneak around when her children needed her help. “You helped Grace and Shannon with their writing final when I didn’t have time to check it before they turned it in. They got an A on that, but I’m sure they already told you.” 

She felt Kalinda’s hand tense, before relaxing as Alicia continued gently stroking her wrist. She watched the color rise in Kalinda chest and neck. Her eyes looking everywhere but Alicia. “Grace tells me everything, Kalinda. And all she talks about when she leaves your office is how patient you are when you explain things to her. How comfortable she is just sitting and talking to you. And the fact that you can talk her through her French class is making her not hate it so much.” She watched Kalinda smile slightly as she calmed her breathing and brought her eyes back to Alicia’s. “You don’t brush her off. You don’t pretend she doesn’t exist. And I know you’re the one helping Zach with his geometry homework.” She found that out by accident. She had gone to court and came back to find Zach in the main conference room with Kalinda. She had watched through the glass for a while, watching the investigator explain the problems in a way for Zach to understand. Going over and over things until he could do it on his own. She had never mention it to either of them. That night she just went back to her office, waited another hour and called Zach’s phone. She didn’t want to make either of them more uncomfortable, but didn’t want to interrupt her son getting to help her needed that she couldn’t provide. “You have gone out of your way time and time again to help my children. You didn’t have to do that. I never expected you to do any of the things that you’ve done for them. But you do it because you’re you.”

The first time Kalinda had spent any time with Grace, longer than a chat at the door, was the night Alicia was flirting with Will on the phone. After ten minutes of sitting in the dinning room alone, she heard Grace groan from her room. She didn’t want to wait for the attorney to get off the phone, Kalinda was not one to sit still and be patient. She wondered into Grace’s room, walking in as the young girl threw her pencil across the room. Kalinda spent the next forty-five minutes talking Grace through her French homework. It was easy conveying information to the young girl, she absorbed everything Kalinda said like a sponge. She paid attention. She didn’t interrupt. Alicia had caught her just as Grace pulled up a picture of her and Shannon she had taken that morning. They were laughing when they heard the gentle tapping on the door frame. At the time, she didn’t want Alicia to believe it meant anything more to her than helping a girl with her homework while she was sitting bored on the couch. She didn’t want Alicia to know that for the first time in a long time she felt normal. It felt normal to sit with Grace and help her with something she didn’t understand. It felt normal to be in Alicia’s apartment, in her space, in such an intimate way. “It’s nothing. I used to tutor kids when I was in high school,” she mumbled, stilling tracing Alicia’s ring finger as if she were trying to solve a puzzle. 

Alicia ran her nails gently down the underside of the investigator’s wrist. “Stop, Kalinda,” she whispered, wanting more than anything to scream at the top of her lungs that everything she does makes a difference. That everything she does has an effect of people. But screaming would only cause Kalinda to pull away, to build that wall up even higher around herself. Alicia had realized long along that whispering, talking as softly as she could, as calmly as she could reached her deeper. It caused her to take notice. It made Alicia sound more serious and she used that to her advantage. “Stop belittling the things you do. The things you do matter,” she said with as much emotion as she could convey in very little words. Kalinda never took credit for the things she did. She had never been good at taking a simple thank you or a congratulations on doing a good job. Kalinda always changed the subject. Always made the situation out to be less than it really was. She couldn’t even take the credit for bring Grace home. She couldn’t take the thank you. She couldn’t sit in Alicia’s car and talk about the fact that she did something to help her despite their failing relationship. “When I found out Grace was missing, the only person I wanted to call was you.” She allowed a few tears to fall. She could remember the ache in her chest as she thought of all the places Grace would go. If she were honest with herself, she didn’t know. Kalinda would have known. She remembered the gut wrenching feeling of wanting to call Kalinda. The investigator had always been her person. Despite their failing friendship she had always been there, always been around when she needed her. Peter had tried to comfort her. Eli had tried to calm her as she cried, but nothing stopped that gut wrenching that continued gnawing deep inside her. She clutched Kalinda’s hand tighter, stopping the movements over her fingers. Pulling her eyes back to her face. She needed Kalinda to see her, really see her. “I needed you. I knew if anyone could find her, you could. But I was too afraid to reach out to you. I was a coward and you brought her home anyway.”

Kalinda had known exactly why Alicia broke off her relationship with Will. She was hiding him from her children, or he was hiding from them. And because Alicia had been spending more and more time with Will and less time at home, she was no longer monitoring Grace. Will wouldn’t put his aversion to children aside to allow Alicia to combine the two parts of herself. Kalinda didn’t want her to choose. She wanted the part of Alicia that came with all the responsibilities of a single mother. She also wanted the other part of Alicia, the part that was the woman that needed a partner she could depend on. She wanted the woman Alicia was behind the curtain, behind the mask she put on every day. “I would do anything for you, Alicia. You know that. Grace and Zach are included in that package.”

It took Alicia three steps to reach Kalinda. Her hands cupped her face. Her eyes searched the investigators. It wasn’t the words that effected her more than the emotion on Kalinda’s face as she searched for the right ones. She loved the way the investigator smiled when she spoke of her children. She loved the unconscious way she licked her lips when she was contemplating something harder than she should. Alicia stepped into the space Kalinda had made for her between her legs, her feet resting on the wooden post at the bottom of the stool. She could feel Kalinda’s fingers gripping her hips. For once, they were almost the same height and Alicia couldn’t help but smile as she rested her forehead against Kalinda’s for a moment. It was closer than they had ever been, but Alicia refused to push her away. She had been pushing Kalinda away and keeping her at arms length since her secret was revealed. She couldn’t push her away anymore. Alicia nuzzled Kalinda’s nose with her own, receiving a soft sigh in response. “Am I too close now, Kalinda?” She whispered so close to the investigator’s lips. She wanted so badly to close those final few inches between them, but she wanted Kalinda to make that final push. “We’re all alone now.” She pulled the pins from Kalinda’s hair without moving away from her. Allowing the curls to fall down the investigator’s shoulders. The fingers on her waist clutched the fabric tighter while pulling her closer. “No one to see the Governor’s wife being too close to the female Lockhart/Gardener investigator,” she said, coming closer to Kalinda’s lips. 

Kalinda smiled. A real smile that was only reserved for the worthy. She pushed herself closer to the edge of the stool, wanting more contact with Alicia’s body. Her right hand left the warm of Alicia’s hip to rest against her chest. She could feel the older woman heart racing. She could feel her breath on her face as Alicia allowed her to move her hands along her body freely without speaking. Without pulling away from her. “I work for Florrick/Agos,” she whispered against Alicia’s lips before putting a few inches between them. Wanting to see her friends face as her fingers played with the zipper at the top of the attorney’s suit. Kalinda slowly pulled the zipper down. Alicia had taken control of the conversation when they entered the apartment and Kalinda had let her. She had allowed Alicia to cry in the car. She watched as she attempted to flirt in the street and she sat quietly while Alicia poured her soul out to her sitting at her kitchen island. It was her turn. It was her turn to take the lead. To take that final step that showed she wouldn’t back away. She wasn’t afraid. She wanted everything Alicia was offering her; a life, a family. “And if I remember correctly you don’t like being the Governor’s wife. Don’t like being in his shadow,” she said, letting her lips barely graze Alicia’s. Pulling the tiny zipper down a few more inches, uncovering new pale skin covered in soft black lace. “You want to be your own woman.” Kalinda grinned as Alicia’s lips parted and she inhaled sharply. 

Alicia felt the zipper give on her suit, revealing the black lingerie beneath. The two halves of her suit falling open, feeling Kalinda’s cool hands on her overly heated, almost naked skin caused a chill to run up her spine. The investigator’s eyes never left hers as her fingers found their way underneath the delicate lace. Feeling Kalinda’s hand on her bare back for the first time sent another shot of electricity through her body. It was much stronger than it had ever been from one of the investigator’s touches. She didn’t wait for Kalinda’s verbal permission before she slowly lowered the zipper of her leather jacket. Revealing the black corset that had been hidden underneath. Her fingers lingered on the bare skin above Kalinda’s breasts. Revaling in the softness of her skin for a moment before her fingers moved to the flawless skin of her slender neck. Feeling the investigator’s lips part against her own as her fingers settle on the back of her neck. Feeling how soft Kalinda hair was for the firs time. “I might need your help with that. Being my own woman.”

Kalinda couldn’t take the tension any longer. The feeling of Alicia’s hands on her body and her breath so close to her face caused the adrenaline that had been running through her veins settled in the pit of her stomach. She needed to feel Alicia against her. Needed to feel the warmth that she always caused deep within Kalinda’s heart. She closed the distance between them. Feeling Alicia’s lips against hers for the first time. Her lips were soft and tasted of the vanilla chap stick she was always using. For a moment, all the investigator could focus on was the soft moan that was released from Alicia’s throat. The kiss was gentler than she had expected. Four years of pent up arousal should have made it messy and passionate. It was slow and sweet. Even when Kalinda’s tongue caressed Alicia’s for the first time. Or when she gently bit and sucked on her bottom lip. It was an exploration. Testing the boundaries. See how far long they could continue their leisurely pace before one of them pushed for more. But wanting the moment to last longer than it probably would. Wanting to stay in that slow moment as long as the world would allow. 

Alicia was the first to pull away, placing a quick kiss on Kalinda’s nose as a slight pout began to appear. She was surprised they were both so calm, leisurely taking their time with each other. Alicia enjoyed placing gentle, slow kisses along Kalinda’s jaw, causing her shiver against her body. She enjoyed the tentative exploration that her friend was offering as their eyes connected. It was so much different than what she had with Will. The affair they had shared had been explosive and aggressive with little moments of sweet. With Kalinda everything was sweet and slow. There was no aggression, just a slow burning explosion that was ready to erupt. Her relationship with Kalinda would be nothing like her brief affair with Will. Kalinda would never leave her. She would never make her feel like she was less than because she had other responsibilities. She would never force her to choose between her children and the woman she had grown fond of. Her fingers ran gently through the investigator's hair, kissing her lips lightly as her pulse began to finally settle. The attorney had always believed that she would eventually forgive Kalinda for the betrayal she felt. She had never expected for forgiveness to transform into something else. “We waited four years to do that.”

Kalinda wanted to pull her back in until the knock sounded at the door. All the feelings that had been swelling in her chest suddenly dropped. She rested her forehead against Alicia’s. It was the closest she had been to Alicia in years. She had missed the gentle touches for no reason. She missed the encouraging words after a long, difficult case. And she didn’t want to give that up. Kalinda knew who was at the door. That stupid boy hadn’t listened to a word she had said. She told him she would call him. Nothing in her sentence said for him to come to her apartment and interrupt the most intimate interaction she has had in a long time. She wanted to hold on to their last few moments of serenity before it was broken once again. Breathing her in one last time, she allowed her lips to brush Alicia’s once more. Brushing her thumbs under Alicia’s eyes to rid her beautiful porcelain face from the dark black mascara that had smeared under her eyes. “I don’t want to let him in.” She kissed Alicia quickly before clearing the smudged lipstick from around her swollen red lips. If she had to open the door, she might as well make sure Alicia looked as composed as she could under the circumstances. “I want you all to myself for a while.” As she moved to kiss Alicia again, the knocking became louder and more persistent. She felt Alicia groan against her mouth as she pulled away. “For fucks sake, I’m coming,” she yelled behind her. Running a hand down Alicia’s cheek. “When he leaves, you’re mine,” she growled in Alicia’s ear.

It was the longest two hours of Kalinda’s life. Cary was too excited to wait for them to sign all their paper work the following day. Between signing their names for the hundredth time and phoning clients, Kalinda was ready to kill the young male attorney. But as promised, when Cary left, her body and soul belonged to Kalinda.


End file.
